So awhile ago I attempted to posit that the movement of an internal baby is kind of like having a hamster crawl up your pants, but inside your skin.
The kicks are bigger now. My poor little body isn't big enough for child to stretch out, and I feel it when he or she tries! I've come up with a handy dandy new way of describing this. And at the same time, you can make a delightful fruit salad!
Buy a watermelon. Measure it against your torso before you bring it home. It should extend from your ribcage to below your hip bone. Pick up a couple fruit as well. Grapefruits perhaps. Rock melon/Cantaloupe if you desire. Oh, and some strawberries and kiwi and some grapes.
Also, stop by the pet store or shelter and see if you can borrow a cat. Declawed preferably.
Once home, cut a hole in one side of the melon. Clean it out. Arrange the inside of melon in a bowl. If you are a woman, cut the grapefruits in half. Put half of the grapefruit in the bowl with the melon. If male, cut a hole in the grapefruit and carve out the fruit. Add to salad. Tape a grape to the side of the watermelon that has no hole, about 1/4-1/3 from one end.
This is where it could get tricky.
Add grapefruit to the, shall we say, upper chest. Affix with tape or a stout rope. Put the cat in the watermelon. Quickly attach the watermelon to your midriff using tape or a stout rope. The grape should be 1/4-1/3 from the bottom (your belly button!).
Go to your closet and try to find a shirt to fit over you. Then drink 3 litres of water and don't go pee, so that you constantly feel like you need to.
Ain't it grand?
[Note, this is merely to describe a feeling. I would not actually suggest that you be cruel to a cat, or honestly try what I have just offered.]
What about the strawberries and kiwi, you say? They were just there to help out the salad.