Feeling Feline?

So awhile ago I attempted to posit that the movement of an internal baby is kind of like having a hamster crawl up your pants, but inside your skin.

The kicks are bigger now.  My poor little body isn't big enough for child to stretch out, and I feel it when he or she tries!  I've come up with a handy dandy new way of describing this.  And at the same time, you can make a delightful fruit salad!

Buy a watermelon.  Measure it against your torso before you bring it home.  It should extend from your ribcage to below your hip bone.  Pick up a couple fruit as well.  Grapefruits perhaps.  Rock melon/Cantaloupe if you desire.  Oh, and some strawberries and kiwi and some grapes.

Also, stop by the pet store or shelter and see if you can borrow a cat.  Declawed preferably.

Once home, cut a hole in one side of the melon.  Clean it out.  Arrange the inside of melon in a bowl.  If you are a woman, cut the grapefruits in half.  Put half of the grapefruit in the bowl with the melon.  If male, cut a hole in the grapefruit and carve out the fruit.  Add to salad.  Tape a grape to the side of the watermelon that has no hole, about 1/4-1/3 from one end.

This is where it could get tricky.

Add grapefruit to the, shall we say, upper chest.  Affix with tape or a stout rope.  Put the cat in the watermelon.  Quickly attach the watermelon to your midriff using tape or a stout rope.  The grape should be 1/4-1/3 from the bottom (your belly button!).

Go to your closet and try to find a shirt to fit over you.  Then drink 3 litres of water and don't go pee, so that you constantly feel like you need to.

Ain't it grand?

[Note, this is merely to describe a feeling.  I would not actually suggest that you be cruel to a cat, or honestly try what I have just offered.]

What about the strawberries and kiwi, you say?  They were just there to help out the salad.