Friday, March 11, 2011

Feeling Feline?

So awhile ago I attempted to posit that the movement of an internal baby is kind of like having a hamster crawl up your pants, but inside your skin.

The kicks are bigger now.  My poor little body isn't big enough for child to stretch out, and I feel it when he or she tries!  I've come up with a handy dandy new way of describing this.  And at the same time, you can make a delightful fruit salad!

Buy a watermelon.  Measure it against your torso before you bring it home.  It should extend from your ribcage to below your hip bone.  Pick up a couple fruit as well.  Grapefruits perhaps.  Rock melon/Cantaloupe if you desire.  Oh, and some strawberries and kiwi and some grapes.

Also, stop by the pet store or shelter and see if you can borrow a cat.  Declawed preferably.

Once home, cut a hole in one side of the melon.  Clean it out.  Arrange the inside of melon in a bowl.  If you are a woman, cut the grapefruits in half.  Put half of the grapefruit in the bowl with the melon.  If male, cut a hole in the grapefruit and carve out the fruit.  Add to salad.  Tape a grape to the side of the watermelon that has no hole, about 1/4-1/3 from one end.

This is where it could get tricky.

Add grapefruit to the, shall we say, upper chest.  Affix with tape or a stout rope.  Put the cat in the watermelon.  Quickly attach the watermelon to your midriff using tape or a stout rope.  The grape should be 1/4-1/3 from the bottom (your belly button!).

Go to your closet and try to find a shirt to fit over you.  Then drink 3 litres of water and don't go pee, so that you constantly feel like you need to.

Ain't it grand?

[Note, this is merely to describe a feeling.  I would not actually suggest that you be cruel to a cat, or honestly try what I have just offered.]

What about the strawberries and kiwi, you say?  They were just there to help out the salad.


  1. it's not like a cat--they would scratch you mercilessly--maybe a clawless and toothless cat? But once you've finished baking that bun in your oven, it's so perfect and wonderful and beautiful. Enjoy, hon. Pregnancy only lasts so long.

  2. I don't think I'd imagine it as a cat. I'll send you Courtland to prove my point. You don't try to put a cat somewhere it doesn't want to be, however, she does like confined spaces, so she might be happy for an instant or two.
    I'm glad your baby is growing well. I'm so excited to meet your little one, but take care and stretch a while more so that baby gets to term on the inside!! Love and hugs!

  3. Brilliant! I'm going to buy a watermelon tomorrow. Do you think I can substitute the cat with a puppy?