Friday, March 18, 2011

Apart/A part of me

I spend a lot of time thinking what it's like having baby live inside of me, but lately have been wondering what it's like for baby to live inside me.

It must be quite cramped in there as the general consensus of strangers is "wow, you must be having a giant baby!".  The next person to say this to me may hear the unfriendly suggestions that I have so far managed to bite my tongue on.  And if they are right and we do indeed have a 9006 lb baby, well, at least we'll be in the newspaper.

Perhaps it is frustrating being so cramped.  Maybe baby kicks so hard to see if he/she can be jarred loose from his or her confinement.  (Sidenote: why is it that women used to enter their confinement at the time when their children were being loosed from their confinement?)

Maybe it's comforting being so closely held all the time.  Floating around, practicing leg kicks and frog jumps (which kind of hurt when they move my entire torso an inch or so), no cares or worries.  Spending all of life with a constant beat of life around, warmth and all needs met with no effort.

Can babies feel excitement?  Does our little one know what will happen shortly?  Is it afraid of getting stuck or of feeling cold for the first time?  Probably not.  Baby is content knowing needs are met.  Someone else gets to worry about the other things.

Very wise, Baby.  You don't need to worry.  Mommy's got you.  And the best part is, she's not doing this alone.  Daddy's got Mommy.  God has them both in his hands, just as you are.

Actually, it's a bit odd this thought of what living inside me is like.  I only know of two who have done so. Baby won't remember so when I ask, he or she will just look at me funny.  I expect to be looked at a lot like that.  I look forward to it.  The other one is the Holy Spirit.  And while it must be uncomfortable for Him, living in a sinful vessel, I know He's at home and working on me even/especially while I'm not.

Both have changed me, that's for sure.

Oh Baby, I want to see you.  I want to cuddle you on the outside and see what you look like, count your toes and show you the love that our little family has for you.  I know you still need some growing time and that we'll never truly be ready for you to come, but we're looking forward to the adventure that you continue to bring to our life.  It will hurt that day when you become separate from me, but you'll always live in my heart.


  1. That was beautiful....I have no other words

  2. You rock Rebecca. I am very much looking forward to when I get to go visit you all.

  3. It's wonderful hearing about you and your mommy thoughts. I really hope that I get to watch this munchkin grow!! Can't wait to meet the baby in person this fall, God willing!

  4. Always part of my heart,never taller than it, that is how every mother feels after the intimacy of 9 months being the vessel where God has wondrously molded and shaped the newest little person to soon be. How thoughtful God is to allow us 9 months to adjust to and slowly await this little being. You feel changes in your body,then it's first movements,joy of growth and then greatness of child. Remove all the medical ways of watching your pregnancy and stand in awe of God's ways of proving your pregnancy to you and the wonders of it all. Sure it feels at times that there's got to be a game of rugby going on and they're winning, many a mom will attest to bruises from the latest game of soccer or xylophone playing, add your own thoughts as to what baby is doing. You even ask them after they're born and they smile a gas smile for they'll never tell.The truth to be said as you cuddle them close it doesn't really matter for it was all worth while. You're holding one of God's Masterpieces and this baby is yours.