Having a son is at times a riot (hilarity), a riot (terror and screaming), a riot (being mobbed with people). He's a fantastic companion, a swell sort of fellow. He doesn't overwhelm with conversation, but his presence is always felt. I can't believe how much fuller life feels with him in it. I can't believe how much life has changed with him in it.
Sure, there were all those changes early on as my body made room for, and just plain made, him. What I'm referring to here is the way my mindset has changed fundamentally in these last few weeks.
I find myself perusing clothing in my closet and in shops with one sole thought: how easily can I expose my chest? Coming from a much more modest mindset, it's mildly mirthful to model mainly (come on, I had an "m" thing going) easy access clothing.
Sense of Self
I look at myself not just as a woman now, but as a food source (previously having only believed myself to be tasty to large carnivores like lions and vampires). And I look at my body differently. I'm now proud of some parts of me that used to be only ornamental to make dresses hang nicer. What's the deal with boobs anyway? Why are they such a focus in fashion and life?
As I got ready for a wedding reception, I was running behind and whilst feeding my son, did my face. I saw myself in the mirror and was amused at my newest accessory, while being slightly impressed that I hadn't streaked red lipstick across my face. I've tried to do many things while feeding, some more successfully than others. Sleeping is not a good one of them. My body has tried it and freaked me out.
Sense of Humor
We now find some things hilarious that never used to be. The sound of pooping, for example. A minor facial expression change. Being peed on. These are not things that would normally set the ol' funny bone a jiggling. In fact, the idea of being peed on by anyone else is revolting, but funny when my son does it. And sometimes, just his poop is funny. Is that wrong to say? We were changing his diaper and in the interim, he shot out, getting change table and a large stuffed animal in the face. I cracked up while cleaning up.
I feel refreshed after 2 and half hours of solid sleep. The idea of more seems like a myth. I wake up ready to go or incredibly groggy, and even in groggy moments, go to wide awake easily. I also fall asleep MUCH easier. Thank God for that! As well as his many other blessings babywise. Baby, for example. I must admit, I do like to get pockets of 2 1/2 hour sleeps together. I am for three a night. I usually get one and some shorter ones.
Sense of Contentment
Smelling sweet baby skin, hearing baby goos and coos, even just the light rise and fall of our son breathing. It's music to my ears, nectar to my nose and happiness ladled on my soul.
Many other things have changed since having our son, not the least of which are his clothes, which get changed at least twice a day lately... It's an exciting adventure we're on.
And it's just beginning.