Small Milestones

Last Monday was Small's first birthday. Yesterday was Small's baptismal birthday.

I'm not going to lie, I was tired before the birthday and not entirely looking forward to making cakes and setting up for a party that he won't remember.  Birthdays seem to matter less as an adult; after all, they come every year!  It's not that I don't love him.  Life has been really tiring and trying lately and it's hard to want to do more than is already necessary.  I was not adverse to celebrating him, just tired out and not wanting to put in the effort.

And yet, when that day dawned (even before it truly dawned - I was awake by 4:30), everything was different.  No amount of effort was too much.  When the clock struck 4:38 am, I wished my beautiful boy a happy birthday.  My heart burned with a special pride as I looked at my not sleeping boy.  Just one year ago, he was born.  For just one year (on the outside), he had been making our lives more special, more challenging, more amazing.  I told him bits of his birth day.  I marvelled at what one year can do.  I watched my Small fellow toddle about the place, playing with his brother, exploring, discovering and viewed with wonder all his little habits and quirks.  His little machine gun laugh.  His penchant for glasses.  His love of cuddling.

Suddenly I had bursts of energy and wanted to shout out to the world, "Look at my boy! He's one already! How he has grown! How he has changed! How he has changed me..."

The day was spent in relative normalcy, but there was a special hue to the day, as if joy had been rubbed on all the tough bits and smoothed them out.  His brother helped me make the birthday cupcakes (chocolate with lemon buttercream icing).  They barely touched their cupcakes (the second cake for the party went over much better for the birthday boy - banana cake with buttercream icing and candy berries).

It was a good day.  Nah, it was a brilliant day.  Praise be to God for my little boy.  I'm so glad that we have little things like birthdays to sit back at peruse more deeply the blessings God gives.  Days that we celebrate the everyday blessings like how fast a little baby boy can grow (and climb!).

Happy Birthday Small.  It's been a wonderful, difficult, incredible year.  I'm so glad you're part of our life.

To do some more

I haven't written much lately.  I could tell you it's because I'm not on the internet much, but that's not quite true.  I don't spend tonnes of time on it, but I certainly check facebook and buzzfeed.  I could tell you it's because I have nothing to write, but that's completely untrue.  I write posts in my head - just outlines and titles, certain phrases.  Indeed, part of why I haven't written is because I have things to write.

Our family is getting bigger again in January (please God).  It makes me very happy to know this, but also very tired.  There is this state that I like to call "first trimester" wherein all one has energy for is lying on the couch and feeling nauseated.  However, when one has two children, aged 2 and less and than 1, lying on the couch is not an option. Not until nap time.  So when I thought about blogging, it remained thought.  And on the off chance I had energy, I had this news to share, which I couldn't share yet.

And with this lovely news, comes a brand-new to do list filled with all sorts of things that are important and need doing.  Indeed, this list combines many things. So many that I haven't been able to bring myself to write it down. When will accomplish these things? Nap time is only so long and my couch is ever so inviting.  Plus, I do get stuff done on the couch - like folding laundry.

At any rate, this post is turning into a great big stall instead of what it was meant to be: two lines to indicate that I have a big to do list that I am afraid of -- well, not afraid of, more overwhelmed by -- and which therefore I have not scrawled down on a scrap of paper as is my usual modus operandi.

Without further ado or rambling except for this sentence which promises to get longer and longer -- hey look, clouds! -- I shall post my to do list with the hope that you will help me get things done by occasionally saying "Hey, how's that item on your to do list going? Or are you just a giant slacker who gets nothing done? And why are you not working on something right now? Because you appear to be checking online to see if I'm holding you accountable, and frankly that's just adding things to my to do list and that's not fair, missy!". Or perhaps you aren't saying that at all.  All I can say in my defence, is head colds and housework don't mix.

To Do List (some of these items are in fact permanent fixtures of the list. They get ticked off, but never removed as they are to be done on a daily or weekly basis.  Just like me. I get ticked off, but never removed from the housewife roster. (Is that the longest title you've ever seen to a list? I'm such a good procrastinator. Procrastinator is a cool word.  Like terminator.  Or lemur.))

• dishes
• laundry
• wash nappies (a subset of laundry, sure, but deserving of its own line)
• fold nappies
• sweep
• vacuum
• clean bathrooms, sinks
• wash floor
• eat chocolate
• make dinner
• bake with the children
• paint the boys' new room
• buy paint. Spend weeks agonising over colour choice and end up choosing in two minutes
• realize will never have time/energy to paint boys' room
• hire painter
• wait for painter to be available
• move everything out of boys' new room for painter
• move the furniture into the boys' new room
• paperwork that appears from nowhere and always seems to be the same thing as that which I've just accomplished
• misplace paperwork
• find and complete paperwork in the final weeks before it is due, feeling stressed and frustrated
• clean out storage room
• determine where the old furniture from the boys' new room will go
• set up nursery
• go for a walk
• potty train eldest
• there is a whole subset list to this which may become its own blog post, provided I can do it in a way that is truthful but not too scarring for life for my child
• develop outdoor hobby
• write blog post about outdoor hobby
• determine when swimming lessons start up again and sign up children
• put away toys
• develop a better system for toys being away
• buy storage containers, OR
• throw away all toys and give children one cardboard box to play with
• Christmas shopping (I like to get the international stuff done early)
• ultrasound
• sort through the boys' clothes, getting out larger and putting away smaller
• also, the closets for nappy exchange
• correspondance
• prepare for second son's birthday party
• invitation
• decoration (thoughts/ purchase/ make/ arrange)
• cake
• other food
• clean house first. AND after. (This always seems unfair to me.  Is it wrong to give guests dustbusters and tell them to look after themselves?)
• vehicle exchange
• find suitable vehicles
• realize that there are no suitable vehicles within a 350 km radius of home
• get frustrated
• figure it out
• reorganize pantry
• make playdough
• buy carseat
• research carseats
• buy chest of drawers
• desire to go to IKEA
• look through IKEA catalogue
• go to IKEA, but not for a few months yet, so can be super pregnant and cranky whilst shopping with a little boy and toddler
• lament living in the middle of nowhere
• go to the park
• run errands
• go to the library
• put away DVDs and books and everything else that the toddler has strew about the house
• teach children a foreign language
• or how to count to ten
• or what, metaphysically, is a horse
• realize need new maternity pants
• purchase pants in 2 minutes during online shopping, having no time to be leisurely at shopping even in own house (after being frustrated that a local clothing shop will not stock them as live in too "regional" an area - because as we all know, people in small towns do not have babies)
• work on boys' baby books
• and scrapbooks
• look longingly at coffee pot and wonder when coffee will taste good again
• sort photos on computer
• back up computer
• print photos
• more correspondence
• set up playdates
• groceries
• figure out what toddler will eat now that he wants to feed himself
• make soup anyway because soup is delicious
• develop head cold at the same time as children and try to care for them and keep moving
• read that book about toddlers 
• and that other book that is made of funny things
• edit
• clean out laundry
• buy steam cleaner
• find beautiful print of the Lord's Prayer
• get frustrated with etsy
• mail correspondence
• read terrifying article about canola oil
• buy sunflower oil
• realize that sunflower oil works and tastes better
• buy more kleenex
• dance
• teach boys to be good men
• go to the beach

And there is probably more. I'll come back to this and add or cross out as I finish things.  How's your to do list going?